I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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