We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
