is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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