In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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