then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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