Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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