I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fuck appropriateness.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
