Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize