nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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