i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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