I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is my gift to your gina
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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