im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
