So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
