how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize