you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
