Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
