you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
