Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this is an emotional support booty call
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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