I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
