mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
