Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
