you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
