Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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