This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
