When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
