Just cropdusted the office
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
