Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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