So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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