When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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