I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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