Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
