Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
nutella sex= disaster
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Randomize
