I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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