you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
