I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
