Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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