I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
