dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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