im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
