Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
