I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
