I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
