I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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