I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
