and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
