The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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