What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
