i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
