I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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