FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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