I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
