Christians are straight up FREAKS
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
