it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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