I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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