remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
