I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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