I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
