Where did you get a picture of my penis
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
