All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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