I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found your dick twin last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize