that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
