so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this will be a night to untag.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He better not be in your backpack
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize