bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ruined the universe
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
