I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
