There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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