I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
