Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
True strength comes from lack of pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
