You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
