i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
