i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize