You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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