im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
