I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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