are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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