He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
