I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
