I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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