at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
