chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want a musical about memes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
