Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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