Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
