I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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