That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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