Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
