I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
