Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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