meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
