nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
