There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize