It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Someone shit on the floor
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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