Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
